Attack of the Chibis!!!!
by Rostand
Summary: The title says it all. Gore and violence and dying!
1. Duo

**Author's Note: This fic was spawned by an episode of Xena that I saw a long time ago. Xena and an Amazon were duking it out on some monkey bar-like crossbars over a fiery pit. This fic came out of that five minute fight scene. Another note, you have to know how to speak chibi to understand this story. S is TH, CH is TH, SH is TH, L is W or R. I think that's all.**

**Disclaimer: I own everything. Bow before me, inferiors!**

Duo: That's a good way to get sued.

Ekaurii: Shut up! Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?

Duo: *very sarcastically* oh, of course not.

Ekaurii: Oy. ON WITH THE FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Attack of the Chibis!**

Duo was having fun stomping OZzies in Deathscythe HELL. He hummed as he swung his beam scythe, chopping three Leos and an Aries in half. 

_Almost finished here, he thought to himself. __Too bad._

Duo chopped up a few more Aries and was going for another when all hell broke loose. No, his gundam didn't fall apart. A sudden thunder storm started chopping up the enemy mobile suits. Duo watched as Mother Nature took her revenge on OZ, not even noticing the black hole/time vortex thingummy that was opening up in front of him. He did noticed when it started sucking the surrounding scenery (cows, trees, buildings, etc.) into it. Duo hopped out of Deathscythe HELL to get a closer look.

"What the-" Duo exclaimed as he, too was sucked up. 

After being spun around many times, Duo was finally dumped, rather unceremoniously, onto a cold stone floor. He struggled to feet, trying to reorient himself. A deep voice boomed from the other side of the chamber:

"Hello, Duo,"

Duo spun around. "Who the hell are you?"

"I am Shinigami." The stranger boomed back

"Oh - hey wait, _I'm Shinigami!" Duo protested. But he had to admit, the other Shinigami looked more the part. Very tall, sweeping black robes, hooded face. Very menacing._

"This is where I must disagree." 'Shinigami' said, taking a step towards Duo. The effect was ruined, however, when 'Shinigami' tripped on the hem of his robe.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, sounding surprisingly childlike, as he toppled forward to collapse in a heap.

Duo stared at the unmoving heap of black cloth. "Uh, are you okay?"

"Thtupid thtilts," a tiny voice grumbled from inside the robes. A small form, a very small form, struggled out of the pile of clothes. It was short, rumpled, kawaii, and had a long, er, short brown braid. 

"Hey!" Duo exclaimed.

Ekaurii poofes in. "Hay is for horses!" She then poofed out. Both Duos blinked.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." Duo said, "As I was saying, you're me!"

"No thit, Thinigami. And thoon, I'ww be the onwy you! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Uh, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

"Aww over the worwd, the thibis are attacking their big thelveth translation: selves, and thoon, we wiww wule! Muahahahaha -"

"Your mini evil laughter is starting to grate on my ears," Duo remarked dryly. 

Chibi-Duo stuck out his tongue. "Thtill, I thall take your plathe in the big worwd. Not to menthion D-HELL," Chibi-Duo started chuckling insanely to himself.

"Keep your grubby paws off my gundam!" Duo exclaimed indignantly.

"My pawth awen't gwubby…" Chibi-Duo muttered to himself.

" And don't I get a fighting chance?" Duo asked plaintively.

Chibi-Duo pouted. "Fine, I gueth. We'ww battwe on…" his voice went deep and booming again. "the Monkey Barth of DOOM, DOOM, DOOM, DOOM, DOOM…"

Duo let out a snort of laughter. "Monkey bars? And is there an echo in here?"

Chibi-Duo looked crestfallen. "Weww, what did you think we were going to do? Duke it out in gundamth?" 

"Hmm, you're right." Duo admitted slowly

"Oh goodie!" Chibi-Duo exclaimed. Suddenly the floor dropped away to reveal fiery pit crossed with monkey bars. Unfortunately, Duo was in one of the spaces between bars.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Duo fell towards the dancing flames beneath them. He reached out and grabbed one of the monkey bars, swinging himself up and onto a crosspiece. Chibi-Duo was crouched on a crossbar a little way away, laughing his kawaii little ass off. When he saw Duo was all right, he stopped laughing

"Damn. My little twick didn't work. Oh well," he sighed dramatically.

"You little-!" Duo launched himself at his chibi self.

"Thit," the chibi yipped, jumping sideways as Duo shot past him. Chibi-Duo grabbed Duo's braid as it flapped past his face, pulling Duo off balance. And seriously hurting his scalp. (A/N: I tried wearing my hair in a braid for a few days, and Midori kept tugging it and quipping, "What happens when you pull Ekaurii's braid in _____ class. It hurt!)

"Itai!" Duo fell flat on his back, suspended between three monkey bars. Chibi-Duo giggled and jumped on his chest (the part not supported by a monkey bar) and started bouncing around. 

"Hee hee! Thith ith fun!" Chibi-Duo laughed as he bounced around like a rabbit on speed.

"Not…ugh…for…me!" with the last word, Duo flipped the mini-Shinigami off him by grabbing the chibi's ankles and flinging him away.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Chibi-Duo, sounding very Mini-Me-like. He thudded to a halt on one of the monkey bars, sliding off. Duo breathed a sigh of relief, but Chibi-Duo managed to hook a foot over the monkey bar and flip himself up.

"Shit!" Duo swore, "This is going to take a while."

_Meanwhile_

All across the globe chibis were turning on their bigger selves. Several small (very small) battles were breaking out.


	2. Heero

(Somewhere in the Sanq Kingdom)

Heero was hunched over his laptop, hacking into the main Sanq Kingdom database. He was trying to give Relena a virus. Preferably one that would destroy the Sanq Kingdom. Heero was interrupted in his hacking by a vid-box (you know those little boxes that pop up in their Gundams during battles) that popped up. It was, guess who, Chibi-Heero.

"Hn."

"Heewo. Omae o korothu."

"Hn. How do you expect to do that, small fry?"

"By hacking into Wing'th thythemth translation: systems and wewooting rerooting the thelf-dethruct contwol to rethpond onwy to my command."

"You can't."

"Wanna bet? If you can thwow up a fiwewaww to pwotect Wing and bwock aww my attempth to get in, you win. If you can't, I win."

"Wait -"

"Too wait. Hewe I go."

The vid-link was broken and the code on Heero's screen disappeared. He experienced a moment of panic before getting to work throwing up a firewall.

Far away in Chibiland (yes, there is such a place), Chibi-Heero sat chuckling at a mini-keyboard. "Foo. I've aweady wewooted hith Gundam. Heewo wiww die." He get chuckling to himself madly.

About an hour later, Chibi-Heero re-established the vid-link with his big self.

"You've beat me, Heewo. Wing ith thafe" Of course, he was lying through his kawaii little teeth.

"Hn." Was all the reply Heero gave.


	3. Wufei

(Somewhere in outer space)

"Nataku, you fought well," Wufei was polishing Shenlong's dragon arm lovingly.

"You awe weak," a tiny voice piped up. "You have no wight to fight."

"Injustice!!!" Wufei howled, in classic Wufei style, grabbing his katana and whirling around. "What weakling has insulted me so????"

"Don't induthtice translation: injustice me, pigtaiow boy." Chibi-Wufei said, materializing out of the shadows, holding his own mini-katana. "Now _I_ wiww be the onwy Wufei!"

"You? You are weak! You have no justice, therefore you are weak!" 

"Thtuff it!" Chibi-Wufei said. He hopped onto Shenlong's outstretched dragon arm and ran up its length, swinging his katana. Wufei jumped back, easily parrying the Chibi's attack.

The two parried back and forth for a while, Wufei unable to use his advantage of height because he had to jab at his tiny opponent. He was also at a disadvantage because Chibi-Wufei kept hurling insults at him, throwing off his concentration.

"Weak! Beaten by an onna-man!" (A/N: See my other fic, School Daze)

"Injustice!"

"Pig-taiow boy! You have no honour!"

"Injustice!"

"Wuffy! Wu-man! Fei-man! Wu-chan!"

"INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!" Wufei lunged at his chibi opponent. Chibi-Wufei ducked under the blade and kicked upwards, hitting Wufei in the nuts.

"Itai! Inj…ust…ice…" Wufei's eyes watered in pain. He dropped his katana. Chibi-Wufei allowed himself a maniacal chuckle. However, in his moment of *ahem* weakness, Wufei recovered enough to aim a kick at Chibi-Wufei, knocking him off his little feet.

Chibi-Wufei recovered quickly and tackled Wufei's knees, about the highest he could reach.

"INJUSTICE!!!!" Wufei howled as he was knocked backwards. Chibi-Wufei started jumping up and down on Wufei's knees.

"Hee hee hee, fun, fun, fun!"

"Ugh…get…off…me….you…little….monster,"

"Ummmmmmmmmm, NO!!!!!!!!" Chibi-Wufei replied, still bouncing up and down.

"Blarg -" Wufei gathered himself to throw the little bugger off, but Chibi-Wufei jumped off his knees before Wufei could make the effort. He scrambled over to where Wufei had dropped his katana. Chibi-Wufei grabbed the handle, almost as big as his body, and lifted the huge katana above his head. "Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shit!" Wufei scrambled back, his hand coming into contact with the Chibi's katana, about the size of a butter knife. "I'm in trouble."


	4. Trowa

(In a circus tent on one of the colonies)

"Good boy. C'mere, boy, good boy," Trowa cooed at the lions as he moved into the cage, petting each one as he passed them. He was just checking that all of them were healthy before he fed them, when he heard a snarling sound coming from the back of the cage. A lion cub came bounding out the darkness, bearing his tiny passenger straight for Trowa. Chibi-Trowa leaped off the cub's back and did a fancy flip in mid-air, coming to rest in front of the silent pilot.

"Twowa, I wiww feed you to the wions."

"……" 

"You are tho aggwavating! Tawk, damn it!"

"……."

Chibi-Trowa executed another amazing flip and landed on Trowa's head. Trowa stood up, so the Chibi was far away from the ground.

"Thit."

Trowa reached up to grab the annoying Chibi. His hand closed on thin air as Chibi-Trowa slid down the bang and hung onto the ended, dangling from the hair. Chibi-Trowa kicked out, hitting Trowa in the eye.

"Itai!" Trowa shook his head, flinging the Chibi across the room, landing on one of the feed bins. Trowa rubbed his eye as Chibi-Trowa got unsteadily to his feet. He clambered down from the feed bin and ran over to Trowa. Since he WAS Trowa's Chibi, he knew Trowa's one weakness. Trowa was ticklish. So Chibi-T started tickling Trowa on the ankles (hey, ankles are VERY ticklish! Trust me. I should know. I am a black-belt in Tickle-Foo). Trowa started to giggled and soon Chibi-Trowa had him writhing on the floor as Chibi-T attacked all his weak points. He finally let off his attack and Trowa lay panting on the floor. Chibi-T ran up and started poking his bangs, manipulating them around so Trowa was poking his own eyes.

"Ow!!!!!!! Stop it!!!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Trowa tried to grab at his little attacker, but he was blind in both eyes and still weak from his giggling bout. Suddenly, the weight of the Chibi was gone from his chest. _Ah good, he thought, __I'll be okay now. _

Little did Trowa know that Chibi-T had retreated because he had realized what Trowa had missed; the cage door was open and the lions were hungry.


	5. Relena and Dorothy

(In the capital of the Sanq Kingdom)

"Pargan, please remember to get Miss. Noin to find Heero for me," Relena was in her usual funk, longing for Heero

"Oh, a brilliant move, Miss. Relena," Dorothy cooed from the other end of the room.

"Quiet Dorothy, I don't want to talk to you right now,"

"The'd better tawk ath it wiww be thoon befowe the can't," A new voice piped up.

"What did you say, Dorothy?" Relena exclaimed, twirling around.

"It wasn't me, Miss. Relena," Dorothy stammered, "It was them," She was pointing at the two Chibis standing on the window sill. They were, of course, Chibi-Relena and Chibi-Dorothy.

Chibi-Dorothy hopped off the window sill and headed for Dorothy. "You wiww die!!"

"No," Relena cried, "You must not fight."

"Thtuff it," Chibi-Relena said, climbing down from the window sill as well. The two Peacecraps faced off while the Dorothys held a battle at the other end of the room. 

Dorothy reached up and detached one of her eyebrows. She flung it like a ninja star at Chibi-Dorothy, who easily avoided the missile.

Relena gaped at the one-eyebrowed Dorothy. "Those come off?"

"Of course," Dorothy answered, but she couldn't elaborate as Chibi-Dorothy had also detached her eyebrows and was heading for Dorothy. Dorothy grabbed her other eyebrow and fended off the attack. Chibi-Dorothy retreated somewhat and flung one of her eyebrows at Dorothy. She was too slow to get out the way in time, so ending up getting her arm sliced open. 

Dorothy ran out of the room, pulling Relena with her, their Chibis in tow. Dorothy was thinking of getting to her big gold car or Relena's big pink car, but the Chibis stopped them as soon as they reached the courtyard. Chibi-Pargan (yes, he won his battle) helped Chibi-Dorothy and Chibi-Relena to stop the two big people.

A battle between Dorothy and her Chibi self ensued, with Chibi-Relena yelling encouragement and Relena yelling that they shouldn't be fighting, peace is the best course. The two Relenas got into a catfight over this, and Relena did surprisingly well, considering her philosophy of total pacifism.


	6. Quatre

(On one of the Winner Resource Satellites) 

Considering the ferocity of the other Chibi attacks, the scene that greeted the reader was somewhat different. Quatre and Chibi-Quatre were having tea and chatting.

"So you say that Chibis all over the world are retaliating against their big selves?" Quatre inquired politely.

"Oh, yeth." Chibi-Quatre replied, "But I don't think they'ww win. We're too smaww to do any damage. That'th why I'm thitting hewe having tea with you."

"That's a good plan. Peace is always the wisest course of action."

"I don't reawwy want to huwt anywon," Even as he said it, Chibi-Q was patting the tiny (very tiny) bottle of poison in his pocket.

"Good. I don't want to hurt you, either." The two continued to sip their tea for a while in silence. Finally Chibi-Q broke the silence. 

"Mowe tea, Quatwe?"

"Yes, please."

Chibi-Quatre stood on the table as his picked up the huge (to him) kettle. While pouring the tea, he managed to dump the contents of the small bottle into the boiling tea. He sat back with his cup, but didn't take a drink.

Quatre took a sip of tea. "Hmm, this has a different taste to it. What flavour is it?" He smiled at the little Chibi. Still smiling, Quatre keeled over face first onto the table. Chibi-Q jumped up and ran across the table. He pulled Quatre's head up by the blond bangs and looked into the vacant staring eyes. "Excewwent."


	7. Death

(Back on the Monkey Bars of DOOM)

Duo was panting. The Chibi had led him a merry dance across the monkey bars and now Duo was tired. He lunged for Chibi-Duo as he came dancing into view, but it was only half-heartedly. Duo missed and fell on the monkey bars, panting. As he recovered slightly, Duo felt a suddenly blow to his back. Chibi-Duo had launched another attack, and it looked like it might be. Duo slipped through the bars. He grabbed for a handhold, but missed his grip.

Chibi-Duo watched clinically as Duo fell towards the fiery pit, screaming. There was a final hiss and a thud, and Shinigami was no more.

"Hn." Chibi-Duo snapped his fingers and a time vortex/portal thing appeared. It took him back to where Duo had left Deathscythe HELL. Chibi-Duo climbed into the cockpit and it closed behind him. For a moment there was silence. D-HELL didn't move. Suddenly the cockpit opened again and Chibi-Duo slid out again. 

"I need thome phone bwooks."

(Somewhere in outer space) 

Wufei was still retreating from the Chibi wielding the over-sized katana. 

"It endth hewe, Wufei!" His Chibi cried, lunging forward suddenly. Wufei jumped back, but he jumped a little too far. His foot slipped on the edge of the Gundam before falling in slow-mo. He disappeared into the shadows and must have landed, because Chibi-Wufei heard a muffled thump.

He considered a moment before climbing into the cockpit and adjusting the seat. He blasted off towards Earth for a rendezvous with the other Chibis.

(In that same circus tent)

"Trowa, are you finished feeding the lions," Catherine called as she walked towards the lion tent. She gasped as she came around the corner. The lions were out of their cage and the nearest one was munching on a turtleneck-covered arm.

"Oh my God, Trowa!" Catherine started backing away, but Chibi-Cathy and Chibi-T were ready for her. They pushed her forwards towards the lions. She shrieked as the nearest lion pounced on her. They were still hungry after all.

(In the Sanq Kingdom)

Chibi-Dorothy flung her eyebrows across the courtyard at Dorothy. If Dorothy had tried this, it would have had no effect. However, Chibi-Dorothy had her eyebrows sharpened for the kill. They sank into Dorothy's chest. Dorothy sat down heavily, mouth opening and closing, but no words coming out. 

Relena rushed over. "Dorothy! Dorothy, speak to me!"

Dorothy managed to whisper, "At least I died in battle," before she closed her eyes.

Relena threw back her head and screamed, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Far away in the forest, Heero pricked his ears up. Relena was calling him. He had to go. Heero climbed into Wing and headed for the palace.

In Chibiland, an alarm started beeping on Chibi-Heero's laptop. Chibi-Heero was in the middle of a nap at the time, so he missed it.

Anyway, back in the Sanq Kingdom, Heero landed in the courtyard, where the battle had moved. He set down and started forward to where Relena was weeping over Dorothy. Unfortunately, Heero didn't see Chibi-Relena standing in his way.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled, but it was largely unheard. 

**_SQUISH_****__**

Heero suddenly realized that he hated the Peacecrap and he shouldn't be here, so he quickly flew away.

In Chibiland, Chibi-Heero woke up from his nap, looking soooooooo kawaii as he yawned and rubbed his eyes. He noticed the flashing alarm on his laptop.

"Thit!" Chibi-Heero rushed over to the computer. His hand hovered over the 'Enter' key. "Mithon…Akthepted." He jabbed at the button.

Far away, Heero blew up.

So after all this carnage, the only non-Chibi left alive in the world is Relena. The Chibis quickly find this out, so they all rush to the capital of the Sanq Kingdom.

_Ding dong. "Who is it?" Relena called as she opened the door._

"There she is!!!!!! Get her!!!!!!!" Relena screamed as she was swarmed by Chibis. Soon there were no non-Chibis left in the world and only a few pockets of resistance holding out in the colonies.

So the Attack of the Chibis was a success.


	8. Authors

(Far away in Evilauthourland, aka Canada)

Midori is happily playing around on her computer, contentedly colouring using Paint Shop Pro 7 and thinking up new ideas for COTAC. Suddenly - 

"muahahahahahahaha!!" Chibi-Midori dropped in out of mid-air, landing on the mouse pad and ruining Midori's picture.

"Kisama! Why did you do that?"

"Becauthe I wanna," the impudent Chibi replied.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Midori lunged for the little Chibi, but Chibi-Midori jumped off the desk and ran for the balcony. "Come back here, ye liddle maggot!"

"Gotta ketth me, gotta ketth me!!!!" Chibi-Midori stuck her tongue out at the seething fan fiction writer.

"Oh, I will, I will," Midori lunged for the Chibi again, but she danced sideways, making Midori hit the balcony railing.

"Oof," Midori had her wind knocked out of her.

"Hee, hee, hee," the Chibi was now behind Midori. Midori spun around, but it was too late. Chibi-Midori had launched herself into the air, heading straight for Midori's face. The Chibi round-housed Midori, knocking her glasses off. Midori pressed a hand to her throbbing cheek where the Chibi had hit her. 

"You little!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Midori grabbed the laughing Chibi and started shaking her like a dog.

"Blarg," Chibi-Midori bit Midori's finger. Midori let out a cry of pain and dropped the Chibi. Midori stumbled back against the balcony railing, nursing her finger. Chibi-Midori launched herself the desk, cannon-balling into Midori's forehead. Midori was knocked backwards, falling in slow-motion over the edge of the balcony and falling twelve stories to her death.

Chibi-Midori looked at the mangled body on the street below. "Hn." She jumped down from the balcony railing and ran back to the desk. She hopped up onto the desk and began to finish colouring the picture Midori had started.

(Somewhere else in Evilauthorland)

Ekaurii was lying on her bed, an open green notebook in front of her and an almost empty green pen in her hand. She was trying to write Chapter 3 of School Daze, but as it was March Break, she had no ideas.

"I know, maybe Midori has some ideas!" Ekaurii picked up her cat phone and dialed Midori's number.

"Hewwo?"

"Uh, hey, is Midori there?"

"No, sowwy, Midowi ith dead, I mean, out. Bwy!" *click*

Ekaurii looked at her phone. "That was…weird. Anyhoo, maybe Stepha has some ideas," she dialed another number. 

"Hewwo?"

"Hi, is Stepha there?"

"No, Stepha ith dead. Good bwy!" *click*

Ekaurii stared at the phone. "Everyone's dead and the world is inhabited by Chibis. Hey, fic idea!"__


End file.
